Issue 08: Dear Ceci

Ask Ceci

Dear Ceci, I just discovered my father is having an affair and I am very angry about this. Nevertheless, he treats me so well I find it hard to resist his kindness. I feel torn between my father and mother. How should I act towards my father, and should I reveal the affair to my mother? – Janet

Dear Janet, this discovery must have been a big shock to you, and I am very sorry about what you have experienced. I can feel your father’s immense love for you through your words, and I believe he will remain the same no matter what happens between him and your mother. At the end of the day, he is always your father, and you are always his daughter, so it is not your fault to love him and be loved. On the other hand, your father’s affair poses a challenge to his relationship with your mother. Instead of revealing this affair directly to her, I suggest you find an appropriate time to talk with your father about what you saw, invite him to communicate with her, and seek help whenever possible. It is his responsibility to find a way out so nobody will suffer because of it.

Dear Ceci, I feel so stressed every time I do group work at school. I am so afraid of making mistakes and I don’t want to disappoint my teammates. I hate stress because it affects my performance badly. What should I do? – Lorraine

Dear Lorraine, emotions help us communicate with ourselves or others and motivate us for action. Based on how you feel, it looks like you want to contribute, and you value your teammates highly – this indicates you are responsible and considerate. Furthermore, small doses of stress help us focus and improve our productivity. In this sense, it is healthy to feel some stress, but we need to regulate it, so it does not become too overwhelming. As our emotions are influenced by thoughts and actions, you can work on them as a start. For example, when you feel intensive stress, try to take a few deep breaths, or go for a walk. Sometimes, we feel uncomfortable when we make mistakes because they reveal our vulnerabilities. Nonetheless, there is no growth without vulnerability, so every mistake can be seen as a chance to discover what we lack to help us grow. If we learn to change our perception, what we find stressful now may become easier to accept and overcome.

Dear Ceci, I am a 17–year–old, who was followed by a beautiful girl on Instagram. She messaged me and we developed a friendship. Soon she started sending me photos of herself; at first they were just selfies, face shots, and then they became more daring. Then she started demanding intimate photos of me. I’m not comfortable with doing this, but I don’t want to lose her friendship. How should I handle this? – Perplexed

Dear Perplexed, what we upload to the internet remains online forever. Therefore, if it is something that you consider not appropriate for everyone to see, it is wise not to put it up in the first place. While your friend may not know the potential harm of uploading intimate photos, it will be helpful to explain the possible consequences to her, so she will understand your decision and be more careful about her privacy too. If this is a genuine friend, I believe she will appreciate your wisdom and decline her call for intimate photos. However, if she insists, you ought to protect yourself and draw a clear boundary in this relationship by telling her what you will and will not do. A true friend hopes for your best and respects your choices; one who fails to do so may not be such a good friend after all.