Issue 03: Ask Ceci

Dear Ceci,

I’m a 14-years old and I feel very awkward and self-conscious around guys. I have no problem talking to adults. What am I doing wrong? 

– Careful Susie

Dear Careful Susie,

Don’t worry, it is common to feel awkward in social interactions we are not familiar with. In your situation, is it because you usually hang out with girls instead of guys? If it is the case, I may have a few tips for you to interact naturally with guys.

(1)Be ready with several conversation starters: Asking people questions and listening to their answers will give you time to relax.

(2)Bring a friend with you: The feelings of awkwardness may fade away when you feel safe in the company of your friend.

(3)Don’t care too much about what other people think: Sometimes, we feel self-conscious because we think people are observing and judging us. However, most of the time, they are too busy paying attention to themselves.

(4)Be yourself: We are all unique and precious in our own ways. When you stop worrying about how you should act and simply be yourself, you radiate naturally.

Dear Ceci,

I work hard at school and am a good student. My best two friends enjoy drinking and sometimes do drugs. I do not want to get into trouble hanging out with them. What should I do, as they mean a lot to me?

– Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned Friend,

I am sorry you are caught in this dilemma. I am sure you care for your friends very much and do not want to see them go astray by abusing alcohol and drugs. However, we may have to help one step at a time as it is not easy for someone to seek guidance and admit that he/she has problems with alcohol or drugs. Furthermore, do not expect your friends to heal by themselves but be ready to listen, share and show support so that they may be encouraged to receive the right treatment. Last but not the least, when you feel the help you offer is beyond your limits, seek advice directly from social workers or other professionals who have experience in this field.

Dear Ceci,

During the lockdown I have been getting really bad headaches, as I am so stressed and concerned about my education and whether I am going to pass my exams. What should I do?

– Worry Wart

Dear Worry Wart,

We are together in an unprecedented scenario that nobody knows exactly what to do. When you worry about your education, remember other people feel the same way too, so you are not alone in this struggle. In this case, people who learn to de-stress and maintain a healthy mindset are more capable in combating challenges. When you feel more relaxed, sit down and break down your learning obligations into separate tasks, make a to-do list and complete the tasks one by one. Though it is not easy to meet each other face-to-face during the pandemic, keep in touch with your friends and teachers online to share your learning experience. Remember, there is nothing we cannot resolve together. Seek help whenever necessary.

Dear Ceci

I have a very close friend whom I have known ever since childhood. I treasure our friendship a lot yet I am not happy about her always criticizing me no matter what I do. I don’t mean she is a bad influence and I am not ready to break up with her, but I hope she can respect me more and show support. What can I do?

– Hate to be Criticized

Dear Hate to be Criticized,

It is a blessing to have a long-lasting friendship so I understand how much you would like to develop it in a fruitful way. Sometimes, it is easy to give a compliment but it takes courage to stand up to a friend. Though your close friend has been criticizing you, is it possible that she has been trying to give you advice but does not know how to put it in a comfortable way? She may speak in such a manner not because of what you have done but because of some issues she has experienced in life. On your side, just try to grasp the constructive message within her criticism and ignore any mean words she uses. Moreover, gather within yourself how you want your friend to treat you, organize your ideas in a polite way and try to convey these to her when you have the opportunity. With a gentle reminder, she may realize how much her behaviors have hurt you and will work to change.

Dear Ceci

I am furious because my parents are always invading my privacy by checking my cell phone. I don’t understand why they do this to me when I have always respected their privacy. Surely, if I ask to check their cell phones, they will not agree to this too. What can I do to stop them from doing this to me?

– Privacy Matters

Dear Privacy Matters,

I am sorry about what is happening to you. We are born to be individuals with privacy, this applies between parents and children too. Before we think about how we may talk your parents out of checking your cell phone, perhaps we can reflect upon the possible reasons why they have started in the first place. The fundamental question here is about trust. If there is enough trust between parents and children, they will not invade your privacy. One way to comfort them is to keep them posted on what is happening in your life. When they see you are willing to share your ups and downs with them, they will feel secure and may stop checking your cell phone. However, if the situation persists, explain your feelings to anther trusted family member or a family friend and request him/her to talk your parents out of doing this.